Day 1

A day before my last day and the Project Senior Executive threw a farewell party for me. It's these gestures of appreciation that make me want to stay with the firm.

Day 2

There is but two days left, but time has been moving at such a snail's pace that it is just killing me. I need to go home and sleep early so that tomorrow will bring me another day closer to my journey home.

I think I need to read up on borderline personalities... What's the need? Let's just say that I believe that even the best of whirlwind romances has a speed limit... and a relationship that moves faster than that is doomed, or a fallacy to begin with.

Day 6

I am so happy today! And for the first time I want to shout it out to the world! I cannot wait to go home now. I sent my baby an excerpt of my favorite song today with the message:

I can't wait to go home, to you...

I used to avoid sharing good times, for fear that I might jinx it. But not this time, I have faith this will be a good ride. I truly cannot wait to go home now, WOOHOO!

Day 8

It was the last day of one of my former projectmates today. Well, of course he had his goodbye letter for his friends and officemates. The letter he made was so headstrong and detailed, a little too detailed for a goodbye letter.

I finished reading the letter with a feeling of pang(n. A sudden sharp feeling of emotional distress) and a degree of disappointment for this friend of mine. I thought, with this letter, he didn't just burn the bridge... he also raised a wall and put sharks in the water.

I should make it a point to make my letter subdued and positive, when the time comes. I want people I work with to remember me positively. But that's me, and I'm not him. He has his own reasons for that letter.

Day 9

I'm back in the office, and I'm pleased. But these are actually two different statements, and not a Cause and Effect declaration.

Being back in the office, I find that I AM still quite paralyzed by the fact that I was not promoted this year. I also know that if I accept this, it would be like I have just invalidated the most grueling work experiences I've gone through. The last year was definitely not a picnic... and I've come through tired, abused, unfit, BURNED OUT. For me to accept that its all forgotten is something I cannot do, because at the end of the day, all I trust is the work I have done.

I am pleased with myself today because I actually made a potential sale for PhilPortal. I hope the business becomes successful.

Day 10

I stayed home today. I just did not feel all too well to start the week. I need to remind myself to not feel the full force of emotions and stress. It is never good for the heart.

One great thing that happened today... We chatted and got to know each other very well... And the once crush, it's now more than that... Argh! I know that it's not going to happen because long distance things never work. Still, I like the feeling, and I like staring at that smile on my screen at least once a day... and I've come to like what's behind that smile. This is crazy. I am crazy so lock me now and throw away the key. Why didn't we bond like this when I was your Prof? :-)

Now I know how the river feels, when it reaches the sea...
When it finally finds the place it was always meant to be...-I Know How the River Feels, JBW

Day 13

Nothing big has happened today, except that I am relieved that my mom's operation went well.

But right now I am feeling very weak. It's as if I am coming down with something very soon, I just hope it doesn't make me bedridden in the next days to come.

This feels like a backlash of all the feelings of worry, disappointment, and anger that I have been going through these past couple of days. I have spent too much energy experiencing them that I have forgotten how draining the ordeal can be.

Day 14

I woke up this morning and my initial feeling was worry for my mother. Today she is going on surgery for her deteriorating eyesight. Due to the time difference, I woke up at the very hour of her scheduled procedure. I was really hard-pressed to find someone to talk to back in Manila. Aki has not yet called in to tell me what has happened, apparently nobody else in the hospital are immediately reachable. It really annoys me since I gave specific instructions to keep me well informed about this day. This silence worries me greatly too, because knowing all too well how the family communicates, silence is never good news.

Finally, I decided to turn to my company e-mails before preparing for work. Alas! Destiny has found a way to worsen my mood to yet another level. The list of promoted people came out. Need I say, I am not in a good mood right now. I just want to beat people up.

Day 15

Sometimes you just can't find the energy to do your best. But up until recently days like these have been few and far between. I guess my willpower has receded substantially since the realization about missing my career goals for this year has set in.

I hope this is temporary. I need something new to focus on... something within my present company. Something to look forward to, or else the choice to stay will not have a fighting chance against the other roads to take.

Day 16

A reader asked me what will I do next if I decide to finally end my stay with my present company.

I have a lot of choices, I guess. First would be to work for another Software Company. In this choice, I would still be pursuing the same line of work, web development in J2EE. This would be the most logical choice I guess. But I also want to deal with multimedia. It's the reason I got into computers, after all. From my hobby, to my majors, to my thesis, it all says multimedia is the way to go. The third path to go on would be a step back I guess, to gear myself to the right track in the long run. It would be to secure a more subdued career(or go into enterpreneurship) in order to give myself the time to work with my passion in the arts.

Well there they are, the possible paths to take are endless and very diverse, if I may say so myself. I have to reflect on this.

Day 17

I love how weekends seem to make days leap faster. I stayed indoors all day, knowing that I might be wasting two beautiful days. But I'm trying to make the days faster, I just want to go home now.

I find it somewhat pointless now to socialize and go out with my colleagues here, I guess. One reason is that I am leaving very soon. I also do not see it being beneficial career-wise since I am still not sure if I want to further my career in my present company.

Day 21

I am not actually Mr. Perky today. Some offensive remarks from a colleague (or should I say an angel, cleverly disguised as a stupid person), and bad news from home does not actually contribute to anyone's well-being.

To this angel, in honor of my AMACC College of Computer Studies colleagues, from whose pouted lips I learned this phrase: "HUWAG KA NANG MAGMAGANDA DIYAN, HINDI KA NAMAN KAGANDAHAN".

Day 22

I know that counting the days makes the wait seem longer, but I just cannot help it. I am slightly Obsessive-compulsive after all, maybe my subconcious fears that I might actually miss my flight hehe.

Contemplating on my days here being numbered (pun intended), it made me start to wonder what would have happened if circumstance had been designed to make me stay until the end. Would I have been closer to my Filipino officemates? How about my Danish colleagues? A friend of mine once said that it is nearly impossible to find a friend in the workplace. Up until two months ago I would have tried to discredit his theory. But a lot has happened in those two months, things that prevent me from discarding this idea so hastily.

I do know one thing though, I am 22 days away from seeing some special person/s once more (Is this really plural or am I just trying to throw people off my trail, hmmm?). We'll need to sort out these feelings, and our intentions.

Counting the Days

It's 24 days to go before I come to the end of my stay here in Copenhagen. The feeling is bitter-sweet I guess. I still have some things I like to do here... people I want to know more about... acquaintances that I want to build into friendships... to see more of Europe even. But what I am giving these up for will define me as a person for the rest of my days here on Earth.

I need to revive what I lost during the sad years that have passed. My focus, my strength and my resolve.

Coming Home (part 7) : Escape from DK

Recent events(need I say drama) has left me drained, and de-motivated to the core. I need to get out of this Valley of Despair I'm in, as my career counsellor would call it, before I get burned out. My Home, where I know I can reach out to friends, my brother, and cousins... is my place of power I guess. I need to find myself again, and heal.

Coming Home (part 6) : There's no place like...

Home... I've always had a love/hate relationship with my house. At the end of it all, it is where I draw back, hide from the world, regroup. I heard a lot has changed since the last six months. A few months back I had fought to keep it the way it is, and I've lost a lot of those battles. But we'll see if it's still the house my Dad built, we'll see...

Coming Home (part 5): Bookworm Joe

Yes thats me! I am the epitome of geekiness, so of course reading would be one of my list. Reading has always been an excape for me. I can't wait to once again get to my room, grab a book and escape.

Coming Home (part 4): My Punching Bag

It always helps to know that at the end of a rough day, you can come home and start releasing the stress on this poor bag in your room. That punching bag has actually saved me from a lot of confrontations. It's good catharsis, recommended for all the emotional people out there.

Coming Home (part 3): Relaxation 101

Manila is the new City of Bath, I should say. With the numerous competing Spas, among other places of relaxation, one would never be hard-pressed to have himself pampered. And the cost is minute compared to the all-expensive DK.

Coming Home (part 2): Glorietta, the shopping capital of the universe!

Malls are the center of attraction and community in Manila... And I LOVE to shop... Enough said :-)

Coming Home (part 1): My Playstation 2

Being a hardcore gamer, leaving my PS2 was like leaving my left arm. I so love that piece of miracle :-). Back home, I always make it a point to get the latest games, checking out all the usual outlets on a weekly basis. Even now, I get my brother to check the shops for the latest and greatest games I can read reviews of. Did I mention I once caught fever because of muscle pains... that I got from sitting for hours... on the cold floor... playing my PS2. Try to beat that!

Coming Home : Prologue

I fly back home on the 30th for a bit of a vacation. I can't wait!!! So in anticipation, I shall be posting the things that I love about my home city, MANILA. Thats one thing every day from today until I come home. Watch out!