Day 1

A day before my last day and the Project Senior Executive threw a farewell party for me. It's these gestures of appreciation that make me want to stay with the firm.

Day 2

There is but two days left, but time has been moving at such a snail's pace that it is just killing me. I need to go home and sleep early so that tomorrow will bring me another day closer to my journey home.

I think I need to read up on borderline personalities... What's the need? Let's just say that I believe that even the best of whirlwind romances has a speed limit... and a relationship that moves faster than that is doomed, or a fallacy to begin with.

Day 6

I am so happy today! And for the first time I want to shout it out to the world! I cannot wait to go home now. I sent my baby an excerpt of my favorite song today with the message:

I can't wait to go home, to you...

I used to avoid sharing good times, for fear that I might jinx it. But not this time, I have faith this will be a good ride. I truly cannot wait to go home now, WOOHOO!

Day 8

It was the last day of one of my former projectmates today. Well, of course he had his goodbye letter for his friends and officemates. The letter he made was so headstrong and detailed, a little too detailed for a goodbye letter.

I finished reading the letter with a feeling of pang(n. A sudden sharp feeling of emotional distress) and a degree of disappointment for this friend of mine. I thought, with this letter, he didn't just burn the bridge... he also raised a wall and put sharks in the water.

I should make it a point to make my letter subdued and positive, when the time comes. I want people I work with to remember me positively. But that's me, and I'm not him. He has his own reasons for that letter.

Day 9

I'm back in the office, and I'm pleased. But these are actually two different statements, and not a Cause and Effect declaration.

Being back in the office, I find that I AM still quite paralyzed by the fact that I was not promoted this year. I also know that if I accept this, it would be like I have just invalidated the most grueling work experiences I've gone through. The last year was definitely not a picnic... and I've come through tired, abused, unfit, BURNED OUT. For me to accept that its all forgotten is something I cannot do, because at the end of the day, all I trust is the work I have done.

I am pleased with myself today because I actually made a potential sale for PhilPortal. I hope the business becomes successful.

Day 10

I stayed home today. I just did not feel all too well to start the week. I need to remind myself to not feel the full force of emotions and stress. It is never good for the heart.

One great thing that happened today... We chatted and got to know each other very well... And the once crush, it's now more than that... Argh! I know that it's not going to happen because long distance things never work. Still, I like the feeling, and I like staring at that smile on my screen at least once a day... and I've come to like what's behind that smile. This is crazy. I am crazy so lock me now and throw away the key. Why didn't we bond like this when I was your Prof? :-)

Now I know how the river feels, when it reaches the sea...
When it finally finds the place it was always meant to be...-I Know How the River Feels, JBW

Day 13

Nothing big has happened today, except that I am relieved that my mom's operation went well.

But right now I am feeling very weak. It's as if I am coming down with something very soon, I just hope it doesn't make me bedridden in the next days to come.

This feels like a backlash of all the feelings of worry, disappointment, and anger that I have been going through these past couple of days. I have spent too much energy experiencing them that I have forgotten how draining the ordeal can be.

Day 14

I woke up this morning and my initial feeling was worry for my mother. Today she is going on surgery for her deteriorating eyesight. Due to the time difference, I woke up at the very hour of her scheduled procedure. I was really hard-pressed to find someone to talk to back in Manila. Aki has not yet called in to tell me what has happened, apparently nobody else in the hospital are immediately reachable. It really annoys me since I gave specific instructions to keep me well informed about this day. This silence worries me greatly too, because knowing all too well how the family communicates, silence is never good news.

Finally, I decided to turn to my company e-mails before preparing for work. Alas! Destiny has found a way to worsen my mood to yet another level. The list of promoted people came out. Need I say, I am not in a good mood right now. I just want to beat people up.